Just a warning…..word and thought heavy post ahead. It’s been a “navel gazing” kind of day. Maybe too much so. And I’ve probably written about this topic before, but here goes a bit of a brain dump ’cause I seem to need to get some thoughts out.
I’m not sure why, I hate the expression an “ah ha moment”, but today, I think I had one. (and maybe that term in my mind because Oprah is in town tonight – as an aside, she was spotted in a grocery store downtown this afternoon. OOH…I’d love to see what she had in her cart. But that’s really beside the point here…..)
When I started this blog (well over 2 years ago) it was a blog about my weight watchers journey. When I started I was successful, lost close to 25 lbs and all was good. I was however, not at goal weight, I’d say I have another 25-30 lbs to lose to get to where I want to be. Then, I kinda lost my way. (or is that “lost my WEIGH”? HA!)
Two years ago today, “the powers that be” threw Dennis and I a pretty major, and life changing curve ball that we are still recovering from. And around that time, perhaps as a result of life’s challenges, perhaps I was infected by weight watchers fatigue, perhaps I just had other priorities, I lost my weight watchers LOSING mojo. I’m happy that seem to have this maintenance thing ALMOST down, but I’ve been dancing around the same 8 lbs in all that time. One week up a bit, down the next, etc, etc. And I just rolled with it.
I tried not to focus on the number on the scale too much, as I know myself, and could not only become a little obsessive about that but also let numbers dictate my mood and how I saw myself. I’m also much more of a “process” person (enjoying and taking every step of the ride in my stride) than a “goal driven” one. That however, can at times cause me to simply “coast”.
At the beginning of 2013, I had high hopes of getting off the coast road and back on the downhill path. For the most part, I’ve stayed on plan, however, I’m not working out (though I am walking daily) and I’m eating ALL of my 49 weekly points. I’m not planning my meals a week ahead as I thought I would, I’m not revisiting my plethora of cookbooks to try new and interesting recipes or “pointifying” old favorites. See the pattern? I’m again “coasting” and not making conscious choices to ultimately reach a goal.
Where did all these thoughts come from? We had a celebration cake at work today, and it hit me. As I accepted a piece of the cake, I realized I’ve made FAR too many choices in the last few months which are NOT conducive to get me to the size and state of health that I want to be. (I refuse to label any food as “good” or “bad” but whether we eat them is a choice) I had an orange on my desk, but CHOSE to have the cake instead. I’ve CHOSEN not to set a firm goal and just roll along. I CHOSE to let my workouts slip over the holidays, then I got sick but I’ve CHOSEN not to get back to my routine since. I caught myself falling into coasting mode again.
In a nutshell, (AH HA!) I’ve allowed my choices and habitual “rolling with things and coasting” patterns to stall my success. And know what? I’m tired of thinking about it. I’m tired of “status quo” (though I want to clarify, my status quo is fine and I’m a very lucky woman on many levels) I want to be healthier, I want to be fitter, I want to be hotter (yup, call me vain), I want that confidence back that I felt when I was losing the first 25. I want to give myself permission to live a good life with friends and family which I’m moving forward. I want to laugh more. And I’m choosing to change.
So here is the plan, starting on SATURDAY (the next weigh in day for me) I will not only post photos here, I’ll post points. I’ll use the online recipe builder when I cook to determine exact points (I don’t always use recipes when I cook, and when that happens, I estimate point values), I’m going to use my measuring spoons and not eyeball servings. I’m going to commit to getting back to my cardio and yoga routines. I’m going to continue to enjoy the steps and process of life, but keep my eye on a long-term goal. In short, I have to change my mindset to change my life.
Sorry if I’ve yammered on about this before, and who knows, I may yammer on it again, but today I feel like I figured a few things out that’ll point me in the right direction to success. Time will tell, I hope you all stick around and see how it all pans out.
And on that note, I don’t think posting photos of the day’s menu will add much to these words, so for tonight, I’ll take a pass (though other than the cake, the day’s menu was very point smart) on pictures.
I’ll be back tomorrow with a more normal day’s wrap up full of “in focus” photos. But for today, I’m leaving you with a quote that sums up what I think hit me today.