I KNOW I’m dating myself….but remember YEARS ago that Arsenio Hall had a late night talk show, and would often talk  in his monologue about things than made him go “hmmmmm”?  (this isn’t Neva, but it could be!)

I was very fortunate to have a four day weekend last weekend, 3 of which were busy and full of fun.  The other day was a “stay home” day.  EVERYONE needs stay home days sometimes.  But I’m not sure if I’m in alone when I say if I have stay home, don’t do much days….I think too much.  And it makes me go “hmmmm”.   And the hmmm’s aren’t always good.

Yesterday, a ton of thoughts got away from me….I was thinking about my job, Dennis’ job hunt, my upcoming surgery, various other “life” dramas, and also, blogging and losing weight.   My feelings of not being in control of so many aspects of my life overwhelmed me a bit.  I was pretty proud of myself though, instead of tossing and turning and ruminating, I caught myself and nipped the internal drama in the bud.  It took a couple of hours, but I did it.  Yay me.  I thought through some of the following:

  • I can’t control what goes on in my workplace, but I CAN control how I react to it.
  • I can’t control the economy and job market, but I CAN control how I try to maintain a positive outlook and keep faith that everything happens for a reason, and this time of “limbo” for us will end.
  • I can’t control my surgery, but I can control my pain with meds.  LOTS of meds! KIDDING!!!  I can however, soldier through, and know that this too will end and my life will be soooo much better without constant medication and pain.  (pain that is getting significantly worse over the last few months)
  • I can control how I react to life drama, though sometimes it seems the world is spinning around me.  I also know EVERYONE has drama…that is life.  Some times are good, some times aren’t so good, but everything works out in the end.
  • Blogging puts my life “out there” and some people aren’t gonna like me or agree with how I live.  So comments/emails may on occasion hurt, but for the most part, it’s a really positive thing.  I can control my emotions, and I can be SOOOO grateful for my real real-life friends and my blog friends.  Also, I have a damn good life, I’m VERY aware and grateful for that too….I will never lose perspective of that, and if you’re a critic….so be it.  It’s MY life, so stop judging and comparing my life to yours.  There…I said it!
  • I CAN control my weight loss, but I can also be kind to myself and NOT beat myself up for falling off the wagon over Easter and when I eat emotionally.  (Japadogs, more than the 1/2 cup of frozen yogurt I was planning to have and a couple of extra glasses of wine were consumed….as you saw)  As I said to my friend Melisa today, I’m GRATEFUL to have a great life that gets in the way of the best intentions sometimes, and really, its all about balance.  I also need to accept that my exercise is pretty compromised right now, and that my workout life, like the rest of life is temporarily in limbo.  As I said not long ago, I feel as if point counting is just one more “stress” that I’m having to deal with.   I’m losing my mojo…and I’m beating myself up for it.   And that needs to stop.  Not exactly sure how I’m going to figure this all out, but I’m going to give it a go.  And I know I’ll succeed.  I’ve come WAY too far to go back to where I was….  Bear with me while I sort out my own thoughts and my own journey!!!!!   I’ll figure out what is best for me going forward, and will turn my outlook around.
  • I also need to prepare myself to be home for 2 weeks after my surgery, and NOT let myself think too much while I’m immobile.  That could be VERY dangerous, and I’m going to have to find all kinds of things to keep my mind active while my foot heals.  I have 3 books all geared up already, I have my new friends Anderson and Ellen to keep me company, I have my photo editing sites that will probably drive you ALL crazy, and I’m going to go to Michael’s before the procedure and get some crafty things to keep me busy.  I have also got some hand weights that will at least give me some upper body movement.  Who knows, my arms may become UBER buff before the summer as a result!!! :)  I’ll have a hairy lower leg in a cast/boot, but the rest of me will be HOT!!!

So there are just some of many things that made me go “hmmmm”.   Know what made me go “UG” today?  The alarm going off at 5:15am.  There was a new session of yoga that started today, and though I’ll only be there for 3 weeks, I hauled my a*& there because I really felt like I needed a stretch and a workout, but more importantly, I needed to look inward and feel centred. (and yes, I’m VERY aware that I sound a bit flakey by that comment).   As I mentioned, my foot pain has become MUCH more severe for the last couple of months, so even to stand in the tree pose requires Aleve, but I took the meds, I was a mighty redwood during the poses, and it helped.  Alot.  Yoga really is a wonderful thing!!!   And I know it’s part of my life forever!   Namaste!

I toted breakfast with me to work.  I had some strawberries, vanilla greek yogurt and a “to go” chai  tea with almond milk.  (much to the envy of a couple of my chai lovin’ colleagues – it made the area smell pretty “spicy”)

During the morning in a meeting, I had two mini easter eggs.  They were good, but I didn’t have my camera with me….they looked like they came out of a package like this.

Lindt Mini Eggs

I took a kale salad for lunch today.  (I’d gone a few days without kale, and was getting the shakes) :)  Guess who forgot to take a photo of it???  MOI – oops!.  Here is a google image compilation….it consisted of kale, grapes, sun dried tomatoes, and some light feta (the last two are located in the last photo).

…and a graphic I created on this site.  (thanks to Sarah for sending the link.  So fun.  I also saw it on Alissa’s site over the weekend)

I opted out of weigh in today.  After my own internal hoopla of yesterday, I decided I needed to use my “free pass” this week, live in blissful denial of the actual number on the scale, and focus on feeling GOOD….not beating myself up.

I made a very fun “weeknight turkey” dinner tonight.  I had a couple of turkey cutlets in the freezer, that I grilled and served with leftover low-fat scalloped potatoes (from Sunday’s Easter dinner), roasted carrots, cranberry sauce, leftover gravy (also in the freezer) and the guilty pleasure of the night……Stove top stuffing.  I admit, I LOVE stove top.  It’s so full of crap…but it’s sooooo good and is an “only now and then” treat that we allow ourselves.

We also toasted my new outlook with a glass of white wine.

Tomorrow will be a brand new day!!!  Bring on the future, it is indeed bright!!